*survives another year*
ladies dont start fights, but they can finish them.
that is a cat with a hairbow how is that relevant to the caption
Uncultured swine
Okay, so here’s the story about the pumpkins:
My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins.
So they’re cleaning up at the end of it and we’re still hanging out because we haven’t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin.
“Take one.”
“Um… okay?”
“Take another.”
“….?”
“It is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.”
So it turns out that she’d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins.
So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault.
So everyone left with at least two tiny pumpkins and that’s how we made friends with the Maid of Honor.
So I forgot about it and then the next morning I woke up and found these two tiny pumpkins in my purse and had a puzzling moment of ‘what?’
We were invited to the Maid of Honor’s house the other day so we could:
- take some of the flowers off her hands
- help with some post-wedding stuff
- watch the presidential debate
- play Clue for like three hours
- drink a lot of booze.
And there are just… tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.
They were in the bathroom.
At the end of the night, I counted 26 tiny pumpkins, and that was just what I could see.
It happened again.
Three pumpkins ended up in my purse this time.
One of them has a face.
I need to stop drinking with this woman.
THIS POST HAS ME DYIN
life imitates art and vice versa
The reason it reminds you of a Renaissance paintings is because of how the people’s gestures and gazes direct your eye between each other and ultimately toward the central motif of the Beib getting choked.
It’s also the colour scheme and the lighting. The deep red and the pale greens, the lighting so dark that some figures are obscured but the others stand out with brighter lighting. Even the circular pattern in the back references halos or other decorative features meant to draw attention. 10/10 good Renaissance art.
And I enjoy the subject matter too.
And some of the hoodies and T shirts look like robes at first glance…?
Malone, Post, and Justin Bieber. ‘Judas Gets His Ass Beat in the Club as Jesus Laughs.’ 2016. Phone Camera. Tumblr, The Club.
anxietygirl-savestheday